We're Going to Disneyland!
by The Imaginiteer
Summary: Shawn plus Disneyland equals 1 happy private not-psychic detective
1. The Chase

**We're Going to Disneyland!**

It was late, the California moon high in the sky, lighting up the water along the pier. The only noise was the pounding of sneakers on the wood. Shawn, Gus, Lassiter and Juliet were chasing Thomas O'Malley. Thomas had broken into a local jewelry store and killed the manager, and stole all the jewels. They had been tracking him for weeks, and Shawn had led the team to him breaking into another jewelry store. In hindsight, the jewels were actually what led them to him. He had actually not realized that the diamonds he tried to fence had a security code lasered into them. Back to the pier, they were chasing him down the pier as he tried to escape.

"Shawn! You said we were going bowling!" said Gus.

"Disco bowling doesn't start until ten buddy, we'll have plenty of time!"

"Spencer! Focus, he's going for the boats!" said Lassiter.

"Hey Jules, you wanna come bowling? We get a free game if three people come" said Shawn.

"Honestly Shawn, I've never been a good bowler…Carlton, you go right, I'll cover your left" responded Juliet.

"Oh we don't bowl, we just psych out other bowlers by making too much noise and lining up our shots for too long, right Gus"

"Oh you know that's right"

It's the next morning and Shawn is recounting his memory of the previous night's events which of course make him out to be a hero, as he tackled the thief, wrestled with him before falling in the water, and still managing to put him into a sleeper hold without drowning, and then pulling the thief out of the water before tying him up with only a shoelace and some gum. Obviously Lassiter has not come in to work yet. Juliet stands off to the side amazed at Shawn's ability to sell a crowd, and Gus is talking to the Chief about their pay.

Back at the office, Shawn and Gus are practicing their trashcan basketball. Shawn is losing but keeps "forgetting" which side of the scoreboard he is on and Gus is only pretending to be playing, he is really filling out paperwork from his pharmaceutical job. Shawn turns on the radio and hears an announcement about an upcoming contest for a trip to Disneyland…


	2. The Principle

_Shawn's first mission was to win the contest. Really his only mission. But how would he do it? Lets find out:_

-"Jules! Do I look like Walt Disney to you?"

-"Shawn sometimes I wonder whether I should even bother responding at times like this"

-"Gus and I need to win the trip to Disneyland contest tomorrow on K104.7 (check your local listings)"

-"Shawn, you've grown up in Santa Barbara and you've never been to Disneyland?"

-"My dad doesn't believe in magic or imagination"

-"Shawn why don't you just drive to Disney, why do you have to win the contest?"

-"It's the principal of it Jules. Winning this contest is like every time that I begged my dad to take me to Disney and he said 'No Shawn, Disney is a corporation that feeds on the working man's dollar to fund their dangerous rides, overpriced and unhealthy food, and weak and cliché morals in colorful cartoons that rot your brain.' And now if I win it's like I'm saying, 'I don't care dad, it's my birthday and I'm going to Disneyland!' Now do you understand?"

-"Shawn, let me just point out the obvious here and remind you that you are a grown man who can go to Disney whenever he feels like it"

-"It's the principle Jules. You're a cop, you wouldn't understand."

-"Shawn, where's Gus. Go scheme with him, I have to go enforce the law because I am a cop and I have no principles."

-"Detective O'Hara, is there something you'd like to say?" said the chief.

-"What...I...sorry Chief."

-"Mr. Spencer what are you doing here? You're not working a case?"

-"Oh but I am Chief. The most important case that's ever come into this department, in fact. I'm shaming my father by wining a trip to Disneyland"

-"Right, well do it at your office"

-"Aye Aye chief, and might I say that pant suit is quite well pressed. Might I get the number of your cleaners?"


	3. I Love the IHOP!

Shawn was tired. It's like that tired feeling you get when you've stayed up all night, and your so tired that you know that no matter how much sleep you get, it won't be enough, and you regret everything you've done in the last fifteen hours because your so dam tired. Shawn was like that. And he had good reason. He had woken up at six o'clock in the morning, went to IHOP to find that they didn't open till 7, walked around in yesterday's clothes, bought some coffee, practiced doing spit takes in as busy a place he could find. Unfortunately that was outside a church and senior citizens don't appreciate being spat upon at seven thirty in the morning. He went by the station, but almost noone was there, except for Lassy, but even he's grouchy that early in the morning. So Shawn went to the office, tried to sleep, couldn't, cursed the coffee, and proceeded to wake up Gus.

_Ring Ring Ring Ring _went the phone. Gus whipped around and fell out of bed trying to answer it.

-"I'm late for school!" he cried into the phone.

-"Wakey wakey sleepy Gusey!"

-"Shawn, you know I need my beauty rest. You know I have chronic dysania."

-"You can be grumpy sometimes but I wouldn't compare you to the devil. Come on, get up we've got people to go and places to see."

-"Shawn, there were so many things wrong with those last two sentences you're making me physically sick right now. First of all, dysania is the state of finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Second, its places to go and people to see."

-"I've heard it both ways. The contest is today, so I need you to help me man the radio."

-"I'm not helping you man anything Shawn, I have work today."

-"How would you feel about womaning the radio?"

-"Goodbye Shawn"

-"Two words. IHOP."

-(a brief silence) "I'll pick you up in ten minutes. Don't be late Shawn, you should know not to make me wait for my pancakes."

Over at IHOP, Shawn and Gus discuss their plans for winning the contest.

-"Well I have to work from 11 till 3, and you have to go over to the station and try to get us a new case. We haven't made any real money in weeks."

-"What about the jewel thief? I totally destroyed that case."

-"Ya well almost getting shot, kidnapped, and blowing up a boat, you did almost destroy the case. But we weren't hired on that case so we don't get paid even though you solved it."

-"This keeps happening. Really Gus, I think you're going to have to do something about this problem. The rent isn't going to pay itself you know. So how should we win the contest?"

-"Shawn, I could really care less if we win the contest. I'm a grown man and I have no reason to go to Disneyland. Plus you know I hate rollercoasters"

-"But Shawn, all I've ever wanted in life is to go to Disneyland at someone else's expense."

-"Ok then Shawn, fine, just let me know how it goes. I've got to get to work."

Gus exits and Shawn is left to consider the most devious plan for winning a contest ever thought of. What do you think he should do? Post a comment and share your deviousnessocity.


	4. Dizz Knee Land

Chapter 4: Dizz Knee Land

Shawn decided that the only way to win this contest was to use his incredible psychic abilities. And of course by that he meant find someway to beat the system. So he did what any good detective would do…he went home, and took a nap. You want to be well rested before trying to beat any systems. That was the trouble with Watergate. It was so late at night; they were tired and got sloppy. Plus Shawn had gotten up really early so even though it was only 11 o'clock, it felt like 5 o'clock. After the nap, he went with Gus to the radio station to pick up their tickets. Gus may or may not have thought they were going to the pet store to look at the bunny rabbits.

-"Hello, my name is Shawn Spencer, I am a private psychic detective, and this is my partner, Fluffy McGergstein, you may call him Fluffy G."

-"Can I help you?" asked an attractive young receptionist.

-"Yes I was hoping I could get the number of your house. Possibly an address. Oh and Fluffy is here to pick up something from the DJ Mackie D."

-"I'm sorry but DJ _John G _is live right now, nobody is allowed in the studio."

-"I guess I should explain, you see I was hired to look into a rather sensitive matter for him. I was instructed to bother him at any hour of the day or night, and I believe the codeword is _'DJ John G says to let Shawnie S and Fluffy F in now pretty please, and to give Shawnie S your phone number'_, if my memory serves me correctly.

-"John takes his lunch in five minutes, you can go in and wait for him" said the girl giggling.

-"Thank you very much for your help, here is my card, it has my phone number on it, so you don't have to worry about giving me yours"

-"Shawn we don't have a card" said Gus.

-"Fluffy, you don't have a card. I however take care of my own stationary needs. Now give me one of Gus' cards."

-"Shawn you are very easily distracted. Anyone ever tell you that?"

-"Surprisingly not, ooo shiny!"

-"So DJ John G, that is why if you don't give me the tickets, your radio station will be struck by lighting during a monsoon, just as you're about to run out of gas on a Wednesday night when your favorite show (Psych, on USA network, 10:00 eastern) is on."

-"Ok first of all, that seems completely improbable, and secondly, I don't control the results, it's all on the computer."

-"What if I said you'd be proving my insane father wrong after almost 25 years, and making a devilishly handsome and charming, extremely successful detective very very happy."

-"Well it's hard to argue with such a tempting offer, but I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. You can call in when I play the song _Dizz Knee Land by Dada _if you're the first caller, then you win. Rules are rules."

-"Well Fluffy, I think it's time to go," said Shawn

-"For the record, my name is not Fluffy," said Fluffy, I mean Gus.

-"That's enough Mr. G," said Shawn.

-"So Shawn, what's your real plan?"

-"I'm going to enjoy a fun 80's dance song, call in at exactly 3:19 and thirty seconds, and then go to Dizz Knee Land with my main homie Gussy G."

-"Shawn being random does not guarantee that you will always be right. One time you shake a magic eight ball and it tells you that it's raining and…"

-"Gus enough talk. It is not randomocity, but rather sheer intuition. My good man, you see, the radioman left his computer monitor on and in plain sight (check your local listings), which displayed exactly when he planned to play the song in question. Now you see my dear Guston, that those were not merely shenanigans although they were somewhat shenanigany, but I needed time to read through a five hundred song playlist from eight feet away."

-"And you said you needed glasses!"

-"Elementary!"

-"What!? Shawn, I have work today, and you just want to sound like Sherlock Holmes."

-"Sherlock who? I was imitating Chuck Norris. Or was I? I've been watching a lot of Texas Walker Ranger lately."

-"It's Walker, Texas Rang…never mind, I have to go"

-"Don't leave me here!"


	5. A Worthy Cause

Chapter 5: A Worthy Cause

-"Hey Jules what's the hizz-azz?"

-"Hey Shawn…Well Carlton put McNabb in the hospital after a mishap in his Gun Cleanliness class this morning"

-"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" yelled Lassiter from across the room

-"Again? Hope he has good life insurance"

-"Don't worry he'll be fine, luckily Carlton didn't do too much damage"

-"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

-"Sure it was Lassy, just like when I accidentally replaced all your pens with glow-sticks and all your pepper spray with Silly String!

-"So Shawn, what brings you here?" said Juliet

-"I just thought I'd come by and see how things were doing here without me, seeing as how I haven't been hired in almost a week I figured Superman was in town."

-"Actually it's the opposite, the Chief is on vacation this week. She's going to Disney Land with her family."

-"Oh Reeeally? When's the last time you went to DisneyLand Jules?"

-"I've never been actually! I used to go to Disney in Orlando when I lived in Florida"

-"Oh REEEEALLY? Well isn't that serendipidous!"

-"Oh good word!"

-"Yes Gus and I are sharing it, he gets it Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I get it Tuesday and Thursday and we alternate weekends. But anyway, to the point, what I meant to say was, I think you should know, what I'm trying to say is, I just mean that-"

-"SHAWN!"

-"Thanks Jules! Anyway, I've never been either and I'm going to win tickets on the radio and I was wondering if you wanted to go?"

-"Oh wow Shawn, I'd love to! Wait…did you say you're _going_ to win tickets?

-"I'd say its about 50-50 as to whether or not I did or did not say that."

-"Shawn, nobody ever wins those contests"

-"Jules somebody has to it's a contest and my buddy DJ Jennie G has assured me that I might be able to win which I have thrice confirmed that I can win by using my powers of observation that the song Dizz Knee Land by Dada will be played at precisely 3:19 and thirty seconds, at which point I will call in and we will go to DizzneyLand."

-"Shawn that all seems very elaborate, but that's cheating! I'm sorry Shawn, but I can't go if you cheat"

-"But….But!...Think of the children!"

-"Sorry Shawn, I've got to go get back to work"


	6. Not What We Were Expecting

Chapter 5.4: Not what we were expecting…

3:17-setting the caller ID

3:17:45-making ham and turkey sandwich

3:18:08-Gus also wants a sandwich

3:18:39-Gus doesn't like mayo

3:18:62-Shawn throws sandwich at Gus

3:19:15-Finger Streches

3:19:22-Cramp from eating sandwich while stretching

3:19:28-press caller id 1

3:19:29:59-press TALK

3:19:32-"Hello! You've reached K101.7 Santa Barbara's Favorite Radio Station! Whats your name and where are you calling from?"

-"Umm, Hi, umm, Hi, my umm…name is uhh….Shawn….Shawn Spencer….and I umm….I'm…I'm umm…I live in Santa Barbara, and umm…stuff"

-"Well Shawn, you were the first caller when we played Dizz Knee Land, so you get…

…to pick the next song we play! What'll it be?"

3:20:24-END CALL


	7. Really Not What We Were Expecting

Chapter 6: Really Not what we were expecting!

-"Hey Shawn whats the 'hizzazz'?" said Juliet

-"I'm sad Jules…I wasn't able to go to DizzkneeLand at someone else's expense while simultaneously proving my father's misconceptions about childish magic and wonder wrong…"

-"He's just upset cause McDonalds messed up his breakfast order" said Gus

-"Is it so wrong to ask for a McFlurry with sausage, egg and cheese? Really?"

-"Eww and yes that is wrong…but forget about that, I have some news!"

-"McNabb needs a transplant and Lassy is the only person with a compatible organ?"

-"No, but he did need a blood transfusion and some actress happened to be at the hospital to give him one!"

-"Oh who was it?"  
-"I think it was Maggie Lawson or something"

-"Oh I love her! She's on my favorite tv show (check your local listings)! By the way, where is Lassy, he must be hating all the attention McNabb is getting"

-"He's over there, but Shawn I want to tell you someth-"

-"Hang on Jules, hes on the move and it looks like he just got another haircut! This kind of opportunity comes maybe once in a man's life!"

-"Shawn that's what I'm saying, once in a lifetime opportun-"

-"I'll be right back!"

-"So, Detective Lassiter, I sense you had a weapons malfunction, and the spirits are overwhelmingly alarmed at your…_attack on McNabb_? Lassy, is this true? Did you attack McNabb?

-"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

(shawn tries to repress a giggle to little avail)

-"Oh and by the way Lassy, I love the new haircut, it's very cool how comfortable you are with your age and going bald and all"

-"I AM NOT GOING BALD!"

As he said this a vain in his temple pulsed angrily and was in danger of breaking, which made Shawn seem a little taken aback. He'd never been able to make Lassy do that before. Luckilly Gus was there to snap a few pictures from across the room. Don't worry, it'll be on youtube in a few days

-"Ok Jules, I've made my rounds of the station, now what was it you wanted to tell me?"

-"Well Shawn, I was just wondering if you still wanted to go to Dizz Knee Land at someone else's expense?

-"Well sure Jules, but who would want to take me to Dizz Knee Land?"

-"You turned off the radio after you didn't win yesterday didn't you Shawn?" said Juliet with a smile

-"Ya, what was the point in listening to someone else win my tickets?"

-"Because Shawn! _I_ won your tickets!"

-"Don't mock me Jules, the McDonalds guy did that enough for one day"

She holds up two tickets with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on them

-"Juliet, are you asking me on a date to Dizz Knee Land that will not only fulfill my childhood dream to go to Dizz Knee Land at someone else's expense, prove my father wrong, and have the most memorable date of a lifetime?"

-"Pretty much!"

And so, our hero Shawn got the girl, and in retrospect that was a better prize than any roller coaster ride. And don't worry, Gus didn't feel bad, he had already been to Dizz Knee Land. Henry took him when Shawn was redoing a failed book report.

The End


End file.
